Rhymes, Rants & Accolades from North Central BC

Klaatu, The Metal Maid

I don’t know what I’d ever do,
If I didn’t have Klaatu.
Housework is such an awful bore,
But I don’t have to anymore.

Each morn I merely flick a switch,
To turn him on and tell him which,
Of many chores that should be done,
He must perform by setting sun.

I sit upon my favourite chair,
And press the buttons that are there,
To page my metal maid all day,
While I in comfort sit and play…

“Make the coffee, fry some eggs,
It’s easy with your metal legs,
Wake the children, bathe the baby,
Later I will hold her maybe…

While you wash and clean and cook,
I think I’ll read a mag. or book.
Dial your memory bank for me,
There’s a crossword on page three…

What’s a word that has four letters,
Starts with ‘B’ and means ‘the better?’
Thank you Klaatu, now please go,
You have to mend and iron ‘n sew.

Answer first the telephone,
And tell my friend that I’m not home,
I don’t have time to sit and talk,
I have to tell you where to shop.

While you’re downtown, pick up some thread
I used to crochet but instead,
You can make my doilies now,
You’re better at it anyhow…

For lunch I’d like some ‘pate gras’
Feed the baby in her chair,
Rock her on your metal lap,
Before she has to have her nap.

My Spanish lesson now I get,
The T.V. channel is all set.
You can monitor the lesson,
To correct my speech this session.

My gosh! The time is half-past-two!
So many things you have to do!
Shampoo my hair and feed the cat!
Defrost the fridge and shake the mat!

Bake a cake and do the dishes!
Water the plants and feed the fishes!
Change the baby, stuff a chicken!
Mow the lawn… The door is sticking!

Toss a salad, scrub the floor!
Pick some flowers – fix the door…
Don’t just stand there! Work at things!!

DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE SHORT-CIRCUITING!!!”

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